The Reality of Healing While Still Hurting
Healing ain’t a pretty little story with a clean ending.
It’s not a sunrise yoga session and some self-care affirmations.
It’s crawling through the wreckage of your life while everyone expects you to smile like you’ve “moved on.”
So let me be real clear about where I’m at:
I’m still in it — but I’m not staying silent anymore.
Some days I wake up with fire in my chest and clarity in my mind.
Other days, I can’t breathe right.
I question my worth.
I rage over the past.
I spiral.
I numb.
I break down over things that “shouldn’t bother me anymore.”
But they do.
Because healing isn’t linear and I’m not done yet.
Why I Stayed Silent for So Long
I’m still in it — but I’m not staying silent anymore because I’ve spent enough years swallowing my pain just to make other people comfortable.
I was silent while I was being abused.
Silent while demons crawled through my dreams.
Silent while family ignored it.
Silent while my soul was being ripped apart.
And all it did was protect the ones who did the damage.
I’m still in it — but I’m not staying silent anymore.
That silence?
It didn’t keep me safe.
It kept them safe.
So no, I’m not healed yet.
But I’m finally using my voice.
What Speaking Up Feels Like Now
I’m speaking through the fear.
Writing through the grief.
Standing in the middle of the storm and screaming, “This happened to me, and I survived it.”
And no, I don’t owe anyone polished.
I don’t owe the world closure.
I don’t owe forgiveness, softness, or spiritual bypassing.
What I owe is the truth.
To me.
To the girl I was.
To the woman I’m becoming.
I’m still in it — but I’m not staying silent anymore because every post I write, every story I share, every crack I reveal, it’s one less lie they get to hide behind. One less secret they get to bury. One more step toward freeing myself and others from the shame that was never ours to carry.
This Isn’t the End — It’s the Unfolding
And maybe you’re in it too.
Still triggered.
Still healing.
Still unsure how to move forward.
That’s okay.
You don’t have to be healed to speak.
You just have to be done being silent.
Because this isn’t about perfection.
This is about power.
And truth is power.
So I’ll keep telling mine, messy, raw, and real.
Because staying silent nearly killed me.
And now?
Now I refuse.
